Banned By The State I - Bonfires

This is the first of a series. Unfortunately, it's going to be a long series, because it will concentrate on the completely harmless activities, pastimes and traditions that the State, in all its guises, has seen fit to call a halt to. As befits the autumn season, the first item relates to Guy Fawkes night.

Slough Council has banned the traditional bonfire from its fireworks display, on the grounds that it's not environmentally friendly. Obviously holding a bonfire once a year increases a council's carbon footprint hugely - and driving the mayor around town to a whole succession of meaningless ceremonies doesn't - so it's got to go.

And it's nothing to do with Health and Safety and, of course, absolutely nothing whatever to do with the fact that Bonfire Night is a long-standing English tradition from which those from other ethnic backgrounds might feel excluded. It's all to do with Slough Council saving the world.

I'm sure that in fifty years time when we're all still alive, sea levels haven't risen above Everest and we're all freezing our balls off because global warming hasn't taken hold, we'll all be grateful to Slough Council for taking such a climactic decision.

In the meantime, Womble on Tour sees this as another petty attack on the history and tradition of his people.