Oh. My. God.

'Ello, 'ello, 'ello, what's going into the bin 'ere, then ?

Today is 12th January. I've just checked. Because I've seen yet another of those stories which, if you saw it on 1st April, you'd be convinced it was a joke.

If you live in Herefordshire or Worcestershire, don't open your doors; the Food Police are in town.

Seriously, the government is employing people to knock on doors and issue "advice" on food wastage and hand out recipes. Apparently people are "confused", and don't know how to interpret "best before", "use by" and "sell by" dates (at Womble On Tour Towers we ignore them) and we all need advice on composting and using leftovers.

This is a pilot operation, starting with eight officers aiming at 24,500 households over seven weeks of door-to-door nannying at a cost of £30,000. Every house they visit will, at the very least, be left with a leaflet. Whoever thought of the campaign name "Love Food Hate Waste" does at least have a sense of humour. If it's deemed to be a success (how the hell do you measure ?) it could be rolled out nationwide.

So, not content with putting microchips on our bins, the government wants to start examining our waste before we even throw it out. God Almighty.

And how long before these officers are added to the already frighteningly long list of people who have power of entry into your home, the right to inspect it and the power to issue on-the-spot fines ? £60 fine for throwing out a jar of marmite ? Don't laugh, it'll be happening before you know it.

In my most naive, straw-clutching moments, I cling to the idea that this shows that the government is starting to run out of ideas about how to spend our money; that this, surely, demonstrates the kind of desperation which will shortly end with them saying "No, that's it, we just can't think of anything else". Then realism kicks back in, and I know in my heart-of-hearts that there another few thousand hare-brained schemes where this one came from.

Is there anyone left (apart from me) who isn't now employed by the State with the express intention of checking up on everyone else ?