Getting Irate So That You Don't Have To

Getting Irate So That You Don't Have To

Thursday, 30 August 2007

Fantasy Government Step 1 - The Rules

It's like Fantasy Football but it celebrates failure instead of excellence. Just as well, given that it's centred around our glorious leaders.

Instead of selecting good footballers, you pick out incompetent ministers. Instead of goals or assists, Cock Ups are what we're after. Cock Ups mean points, and points mean...that you're good at spotting who's buggering up our country.

Each minister is given a Cock Up Potential (CUP) based on how hard their brief is, what their track record is like for producing past Cock Ups and how high-profile they're likely to be.

To join in the game you pick a team of five ministers (you cannot pick fewer). They cannot have a combined Cock Up Potential of more than nine. Enter your team of five into one of the Comments sections and you're in the game !

Cock Ups are recognised according to a pre-defined tariff. The bigger the Cock Up, the more points your minister is given. from two points for a standard ministry foul up (like letting a few serial killers escape or a project overspend of a few million pounds); to 20 points for being caught having an affair and the ultimate "jackpot" of 50 points for being forced into resignation, Fantasy Government rejoices in the failures of the idiots who love telling us what to do.

The full tariff list is shown below. Have a read, see what will score you points, and then go to Step 2.

Fantasy Government Cock Up Tariff
Gaffe 2 pts
Standard ministry cock up...2 pts
Medium ministry cock up...5 pts
Personally criticised by a member of own Party...5 pts
Policy U-turn...5-10 pts
Row with media...10 pts
Budgetary fiasco...10 pts
Major ministry cock up...10 pts
Opposition calls to resign...10 pts
Strike within area of responsibility...10 pts
Resignation of a subordinate minister...15 pts
Personally criticised by a member of own Cabinet...15 pts
Affair...20 pts
Other personal scandal...20 pts
Forced to resign...50 pts

How are all the mistakes, nightmares and failures categorised as any of the above ? With total subjectivity, obviously. Womble On Tour will judge each case on its lack of merit, and award points as farily and consistenly as possible. Occasionally additional STYLE points will be awarded for when incompetence is achieved with that extra bit of flair (see Jack Straw on 29th August here).

To qualify, a Cock Up has to make the main news stories on the radio or telly. I can't be keeping track of everything recorded by the likes of the excellent website Burning Our Money. Hell, I'd never be doing anything else !

So, now who know how points are scored, go to Step 2 for a quick look here to see who's in form...

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