Getting Irate So That You Don't Have To

Getting Irate So That You Don't Have To

Thursday, 30 August 2007

Fantasy Government Step 3 - Pick Your Team

Here are the options for inclusion in your Cabinet team.

Remember, you've got to pick five members, and the total of the Cock Up Potential (CUP) Factors cannot exceed nine. That means that you can pick a maximum of two ministers you have a CUP of 3, but if you do that then the other three all have to have a CUP of 1. Or you could pick one minister with a CUP of 3, two with a CUP of 2, and 2 with a CUP of 1. You could, if you like, pick five ministers with a CUP of just 1.

You're allowed to suffle your Cabinet once per month, and Womble On Tour will post ministers' scores at the end of each month.

Happy Cock Up Spotting !

Cock Up Potential: 3

Alan Johnson – Health Has been very quiet so far but Health stories come like buses and he’s bound to figure; when he does it could be with a big score.
Alistair Darling - Chancellor You have to say that the economy isn’t in desperate straits and perhaps a top cock-up potential ranking may be a little pessimistic. But this is a Labour government we’re talking about…
Jack Straw – Justice Put together someone with a proven cock-up track record in both the Foreign & Home Offices with a new department whose creation would probably have been funny were it even vaguely understandable, and you have a top-grade points scoring opportunity.
Jacqui Smith - Home Office I’d never heard of this woman before her appointment and I know nothing about her so her CUP rating is no reflection on her. But the Home Office is like Northern Ireland used to be, with comedy to boot.
Ruth Kelly – Transport Top-grade potential here, with this department widely seen as a joke. Will do well to match Stephen Byers’ performance here, but you never know.

Cock Up Potential: 2

Baroness Ashton – Lords Leader Anonymous person in an anonymous job, but just think of all those Lords defeats that Labour keeps suffering…
David Miliband – Foreign Secretary The Press are treating this guy like the new Tony Blair and he’s firmly in honeymoon mode. Main disaster potential probably lies in Iraq and Afghanistan but he may be able to pass blame onto Defence.
Des Browne – Defence / Scotland Seems quite well-liked, Scottish responsibilities are almost non-existent. Defence will be high-profile though, for as long as we’re in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Ed Balls – Schools & Children Was tipped for bigger things than this but the fact that he's Gordon's mate obviously doesn’t count in his favour as much as the fact that he isn't Scottish counts against him. There’s an argument that he attracts a CUP Rating of 3 given the state our schools are in, so could be a good inclusion in your team.
Geoff Hoon – Chief Whip Chief Whip would be a 1 with someone vaguely competent in the job and a majority of 50+ to play with. But this man has class, is New Labour's answer to Charlie Chaplin and has proven it at Defence and as Commons Leader.
Harriet Harman – Commons Leader Has been deathly quiet since her victory in the Deputy Leadership race, doubtless on the orders of the Miserable Scottish Git. But has known foot-in-mouth potential and did such a laughingly lamentable job at Social Security all those years ago, she may well score highly.
Hilary Benn – Environment Remarkably managed to come through the worst of the flooding crisis unscathed. Either he’s lucky or he’s good. I think I know which.
Tessa Jowell – Olympics What can you say ? Doesn’t even attend Cabinet regularly but in charge of a budget that has a life of its own watched by a Press pack just waiting for things to go wrong. And believe me, things will go wrong.
Peter Hain - Work & Pensions / Wales Not too sure what this guy actually does but is known for being loud when he wants to be. Might put a few noses out of joint.
James Purnell – Work & Pensions Moved from Culture after Peter Hain's resignation. Will remain tainted by the "airbrushed" photo outside the hospital in Tameside and W&P will be no picnic.
Andy Burnham - Culture No idea why this country needs a Culture Secretary but anyone who has the BBC to deal with has plenty to go at when it comes to engineering disasters. Says that this is his "dream job"; God knows what his nightmares must be like.

Cock Up Potential: 1

Baroness Scotland – Attorney General One hallmark of a democratic government is freedom within its judiciary, so you can bet your life Gordon Brown will be keeping Baroness Scotland on a very tight rein.
Beverley Hughes – Children and Justice Anything with “Justice” in the job title may well be worth a punt but we’ll keep her CUP as a 1 for now.
Douglas Alexander – International Development Another member of the Scottish Raj ruling over the English, but we’re too insular a nation to give much attention to his brief.
Ed Miliband - Cabinet Office & Duchy of Lancaster I’ve never claimed to understand what the Duchy of Lancaster is all about and I’m not going to start now.
Hazel Blears - Communities Yet another department without any real point or purpose, but she may pick up a few points on the basis that half the nation appears to be trying to kill the other half.
John Denham – Innovation, Universities & Skills Does anyone understand what this Department does ? Has the lecturers to deal with. Actually it’s quite nice to think of someone lecturing a politician…
John Hutton - Business & Enterprise Should always be a low scorer at this department, as long as they leave business to get on with it. They won’t, obviously, and he has got the Post Office to worry about…
Shaun Woodward – Northern Ireland The man the Conservatives love to hate has a brief which should be meaningless, until such a time that Paisley and Adams decide they don’t love each other any more.
Yvette Cooper – Chief Secretary to the Treasury I’ve got a sneaky feeling that the Press may enjoy being our to get Ed Balls’; other half, but Chief Sec's usually a low profile role. Brown and Darling should be able to keep her out of trouble.
Caroline Flint - Housing Promoted following Peter Hain's resignation. Described as "glam" by Iain Dale but looks more of a dragon from where I'm standing, seeing as when she was at the Home Office she was party she a whole swathe of legislation being bulldozed through Parliament.
Wales - Paul Murphy New job created here. Wales used to be part of the Work and Pensions portfolio but after the resignation of Peter Hain, Brown decides to create a new job. Seems distinctly odd that Wales needs a Secretary State of its own and Scotland doesn't.


Dave Pressman said...

My team is:
Tessa Jowell - CUP 3
Hilary Benn - CUP 2
Peter Hain - CUP 2
Hazel Blears - CUP 1
Douglas Alexander - CUP 1

Total CUP = 9

Steph said...

Jack Straw 3
Ruth Kelly 2
John hutton 1
John Denham 1
Shaun Woodward 1

JMT said...

Can I pick Harriet Harman before she resigns ?
Others, Jacqui Smith, Jack Straw, Yvette Cooper, Douglas Alexander