Banned By The State IV - Feeding The Ducks

The Oakley and Deane branch of the Nanny State appears to have got itself into a bit of a tizz over duck feeding.

Apparently, toxins in the ducks' droppings could harm children and pollute the pond, in addition to which the Parish Council chairman believes the mallards' digestive systems cannot cope with additives in bread.

Well that's it, then, isn't it ? Can't have ducks pooing in the pond, can we ? And it's perfectly obvious that duck droppings harm our kids; it's a wonder that anyone reaches adulthood at all, given the dangers involved in this killer practice. And the fact that feeding bread to ducks is bad for them is clearly demonstrated by the fact that you just hardly ever see a duck these days.

Sometimes when you hear these stories you have to take them with a pinch of salt (whilst taking care not to exceed 6 grammes a day, of course) not least of all because it's hard to credit that council officials really don't have anything more serious to worry about. But this one was on Radio 4 this morning, so it must be true.

But, please, did Parish Council clerk Sally Warner really say that the village of Oakley (in Hampshire) had been "overwhelmed with ducks" ? Overwhelmed ? An entire village ? With ducks ?

Which planet do these people live on ?