Plod Prohibit The Plonk

Welcome to another in my series of pointless interventions by the State that really leaves you with nothing to say other than "Oh, for God's sake !".

East Fife Football Club haven't exactly had a lot to celebrate in their 105-year history. Based in a town which (to my shame) I'd never heard of - Methil - and invariably in Scotland's bottom division, they have a pretty short honours list to their name; the Scottish FA Cup in 1938, the Division Two title a decade later, and three League Cup wins, all more than 50 years ago. So you might think that winning the Third Division title on Saturday might have kick-started something of a celebration. Enter the esteemed officers of Central Scotland Police to spoil the fun.

Apparently the Police saw an opportunity for some new-fangled Stalinism when they spotted a club official taking bottles of champagne off the team bus, and they made known their deep concerns. It is illegal, you see, to take glass containers into a football ground. So when total anarchy started breaking out and someone opened a bottle, spraying delighted fans, he was threatened with arrest. Stalin-in-Chief Inspector Audrey McLeod is quoted as saying "Officers again spoke to club officials, explaining the legislation again and highlighting the potential for glass bottles to present a health and safety issue, particularly with a number of families with children in the vicinity. I promise you, I am not making this up. Then again you couldn't, could you ?

To their credit, the club have turned this ridiculous chapter in State dictatorship into a commerical opportunity, and are now offering the champagne for sale on their web site (perhaps taking the advert on the same page for the Adam Smith College as their inspiration !) Sadly, mail order doesn't appear to be an option, but I'm going to drop them an email and see if I can take a bottle off their hands.

We are all victims of this kind of common-senseless lunacy, and victims have to stick together.