Getting Irate So That You Don't Have To

Getting Irate So That You Don't Have To

Monday, 23 June 2008

Is This Some Kind Of Bloody Joke ?

Sorry, didn't mean to swear in the headline - will have to change my name to Devil's Kitchen. But God spare us, have you seen this ?

The British Standards Institution (BSI) want to force us to have our trees inspected in case they fall down on anyone. Let me just type that again, in case you didn't believe me the first time. The British Standards Institution (BSI) want to force us to have our trees inspected in case they fall down on anyone. Still don't believe me ? No, neither do I. But it's true. Lookee here and feel free to comment accordingly (you'll need to register if you're fortunate enough not to have come across these horrendous people before).

So, anyone who has trees within falling-down distance of a public place (and that includes us, at Womble On Tour Towers, I might add) will have to have inspections carried out as follows (cue deep breath):
....a "lay inspection", by ourselves, every year, and maybe after every storm;
...."a preliminary but systematic inspection" every three years" (possibly using binoculars, mallet and probe) by a person trained to observe obvious potential hazards (e.g. tree warden, park ranger, or highway safety inspector)"*; "expert" inspection every five years, meaning a "systematic and diagnostic process of visual inspection by a competent person (e.g. an arboriculturist) from ground level using binoculars, mallet and probe as necessary in order to gain sufficient understanding of a tree’s structural condition, so as to inform, where appropriate, reinspection interval and management recommendations (risk control measures)" which may lead to a "detailed inspection", the details of which I won't bore you with.

Falling trees kill six people each year. The BSI does not speculate on how many of those lives (if any) might be saved by this nonsense, nor does it tell us how many tree inspections this will entail or what the total cost will be. Needless to say whatever astronomical sum is involved will be VAT-able. Nice little earner for the Treasury.

I'm going to have to keep a close eye on the BSI. On this evidence they appear to be a fundamentalist wing of the Health and Safety Gestapo. They will be up against the wall pretty quickly to the wall come the Revolution.

* I've quoted directly from the BSI's draft, and it contains a classic example of poor English. Take this literally and you can infer that tree wardens, park rangers, or highway safety inspectors are "potential hazards". Which is about the only common sense in the whole document.


Anonymous said...

More people die in the UK... from shoving items like light bulbs and chair legs up their arses, than AIDS... certainly a lot more than from treefall. Last time I checked, it was about 400 per anus, sorry annum.

So, beware, the arsehole inspector cometh. If you happen to shove a Leylandii up your bum, you could end up with a house full of inspectors and irate neighbours.

Roger said...

Here are some more ways to die :-
Annual death statistics (2006):

* Lightning - 3
* Trees - 6
* Travelling on a bus or coach - 19
* Drowning in a bath - 30
* Run over by a train - 37
* Falls from ladders - 49
* Falls from beds - 86
* Cyclists- 146
* Drowning - 350
* Fires - 491
* Car passenger/drivers - 1,600
I look forward to a visit from the bed inspectors.

nuttycow said...

Did you really type "The British Standards Institution (BSI) want to force us to have our trees inspected in case they fall down on anyone" out twice or did you cut and paste it?

Oh and hahahaha at the poor use of English (not by you, by them, of course!)

Womble On Tour said...

OK, it's a fair cop(y), I pasted. Guilty as charged.