How Many Nannies Does A Man Need ?

One of the side-effects of the State's propensity to mollycoddle us at every turn is that it encourages other people to join in. So we get weather girls telling us to slow down because it might be foggy, we get signs all over the place warning us that the floor is being cleaned and we get magazines giving a welter of health "advice". Soon enough everybody's at it.

This email came to me yesterday from a recruitment agency. A recruitment agency, for God's sake. I thought they were supposed to find jobs for people. Apparently not; their job, it seems, is to tell me how not to get tummy ache over Christmas.

"Dear xxxxxx,

With the holiday season in full swing, it's easy to lose focus on your work in the countdown to Christmas. But for many companies, now is the busiest time of the year, so industrious employees hold the key to their success. So we thought we would share a few of our best recommendations for surviving the holiday season at work:

If you're out socialising with friends or colleagues, keep drinks to minimum on work nights, and have a soft drink or water every other drink.

If you're lucky enough to be offered party food, remember to select the low fat, high protein options. You'll feel better for it.

Exercise might be last thing you want to think about, but it will clear your head and your body of toxins.

Sleep! When things are busy it's easy to get caught up, but remember to take some time for yourself and relax."

Hang on guys, you've forgotten to tell me to wipe my bum properly and wash my hands before lunch. Give me strength.